PAT AND JON

What cha Doing?

Ringgg… “I wonder who is calling? Maybe if I answered I could find out. It could be that guy who wants the rent. Naw he always tries to catch you when you’re leaving. He even has a guy watching the back door. Now the only way to get out is over the roof and I hope he don’t figure that one out.”

“Hello this is Pat who is this?”

“Dis is Jon, what cha doing?”

“Nothing.”

“What you mean you are doing nothing?”

“I mean just what I said I’m doing nothing.”

“Well if doing nothing you is doing something ain’t you?”
“No-no, I’m doing something nothing which don’t count?”

“I still think you are doing something. Do you want to go do something?”

“Something what?”

“Something anything. How about we go feed the ducks on the lake…”

“Do you got bread?”

“Yeah I got bread but it belongs to my brother.”

“Yo brother? He been gone for a month how can he have bread?”

“He got bread, green bread.”

“You mean he got moldy bread?”

“Yeah, dats what I mean.”

“Dem ducks don’t eat moldy stuff you should know that.”

“Well I guess the duck feeding is off then, that is unless we can find some duck food.”

“Where yo sister at?”

“She work at the fast food.”

“Which fast food dat be?”

“You know the one with the clown.”

Wait now, there’s more than one clown in the fast food places.”

“How you know that?”

“I watch the T.V. and seed it.”

“If it’s on the T.V. then it must be right.”

“Yo know you still ain’t told me where we going to.”

“We ain’t going nowhere, I may go see my girl.”

“You got a girl?”

“Sho I got a girl.”

“Who is dat girl, do I know her.”

“Naw you don’t know her, you know who she is but you don’t know her.”

“How come I don’t know her if I know who she is?”

“That’s the way some things are, sometime you don’t know what you know.”

“Tell me who she is and then I might know her.”

“Well she is a cheer leader. She is the one who is the heaviest of them all.”

“Oh, you mean that fat one dey can’t pick up.”

“Yea that’s the one.”

“Do you take her out? I never saw you with her.”

“No I haven’t took her out yet.”

“Why you never take her out, maybe she won’t go with you.”

“What you mean she won’t go with me, fool.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t take her out there must be a reason and don’t call me fool.”

“Maybe I come over and we call her up and ask for a date.”

“No you can’t come over cause my ma said you can’t come over anymore.”

“Why I can’t come over no mo?”

“Because you make disgusting sounds and release vile smells. She has to air the house out for two days after you here.”

“Yo sure it is me and not her?”

“I done told you don’t come over.”

“Come over to my house and we call her from here.”

“No I don’t want to call her.”

“Yo don’t want to call her?”

“Do she know she yo girl friend?”

“No not yet.”

“When she gonna find out.”

“When I get around to telling her.”

“When dat gonna be?”

“Sometime soon, before school is out.”

“I don’t know how to tell you but I seed her with a guy and dey were doing kissing and stuff.”

“Doing stuff, what kind of stuff.”

“Yo know stuff like yo want to do.”

“Well that does it. I’m going to break up with her.”

“Yeah do dat, dat will teach her.”

“Yo shore I can’t come over?”

“Yes I’m sure, my momma is sure and my father’s so sure he said he was going to get the strap out and use it on me if you here anymore. Why don’t you come down to where I am and we can watch yo ex-girlfriend do stuff with her new boyfriend.”

“Yea, I’m going to do dat and maybe if it makes me mad enough we can pull him out of the car and beat him up.”

“Okay I be here watching her kiss him. Wow look at them go…”