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Friday, February 21, 2014

HALF A LOAF chapter 7 SOMEONE NEW


Someone New
courtesy photobucket
 
I went to bed thinking about the spider and the fly poem, and strange as it seems I woke up with it on my mind or at least the moral of the story.

During my musing I wondered who or when the next spider would be coming along and how I would respond to it’s luring.

The early morning found me in the library wondering if I might discover some ancient wisdom that would help lead my feet in the right direction when tempted to err.

While reading the myth of Ulysses I saw two things;

One was when the Siren sings you better have wax in your ears or you will be rendered incapable of rational thought because of their melodies

And Two; like most I find myself wanting to hear the song of temptation and trying to devise a way to bring it about.  Ulysses answer was to be tied to the ship’s mast so he could hear but not be drawn into their web of destruction and crash on the rocks.

Alexander Pope, 1725 spoke thusly;

“Next, where the Sirens dwell, you plough the seas;
 Their song is death, and makes destruction please
 and wide around lay human bones that whiten all the ground.
 The ground polluted floats with human gore
 and human carnage taints the dreadful shore.
 Fly swift the dangerous coast: let every ear
 be stopp’d against the song! ’tis death to hear!”

The Bible put it in another way; 2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness”

Or as my dad says, “If you play with fire you will surely get burnt.”

I left the library as confused as when I entered.  All I really know is, I find myself being drawn to things I want to avoid.  

The Apostle found himself in a similar position when he said; “I want to do what is good, but I don't.  I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.”

Trying to find out what life is all about isn’t easy.  You would think it would all come about naturally but it doesn’t happen that way, you have to work through it.

While in the library I noticed a rather plainly dressed girl who wore glasses.

The strange thing about her that caught my attention was she was in the midst of this “Menagerie” of people and yet she looked normal.

I found myself drawn to her for no particular reason and was stimulated by strange unclear thoughts.  I began to question my sanity.

Perhaps it was being separated from Sally and the episode with the married woman or perhaps I was just lonely.  After all there are a lot of people who are just lonely I told myself.

For the next few days I found myself fantasying about her (the gal with glasses) and I hadn’t even spoke to her yet.  At this stage I thought if I had the money I would go to see a head doctor and see if he could straighten me out but I can’t afford his fees.

Then it occurred I could go to the sin expert, the Pastor of the church for what I was having trouble might be a sin issue.  I made an appointment to see the pastor and when I got there I found it difficult to describe what was going on (how do you explain wanting something you don’t want).

I finally got it out that I was having trouble keeping reality in focus.  I tend to fantasize about too many situations.  The Pastor said; “Me too.” 

I could see he was just trying to put me at ease.  He said the mind is a powerful thing especially the imagination factor.  It will take us to places we can’t go, do things we can’t do.  

This is especially true when it comes to relationships or potential relationships.  As long as we don’t act on these imaginations in the real world they will do little harm for they soon fade away (Although Jesus might disagree.

Matthew 5:28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart).

I said to him, “Yeah maybe it’s something like that”.  Maybe I’m doing stuff on the inside but not on the outside.  He smiled and said, “Now you’re getting me confused”.

He said someday you may want to get married.  Understand whatever you do today will be part of your marriage for things may be forgiven but never forgotten.

Things stay lodged in our brain file cabinet somewhere and can affect a future relationship so just be cautious how you live your daily life.

As I left I felt I needed to be slapped back to reality as this fantasy stuff will really confuse you.

Since it was my day off I decided to go back to the library and I almost bumped into the girl with glasses.  She dropped a book which I retrieved for her and said, “My name is Lon. I have seen you in one of my classes and in the library.”

“Oh,” she said, “I don’t recall ever seeing you.”  

I said, “I’m kinda invisible to some people, they can’t see me.”

She said, “I don’t pay much attention to people around me especially here at Cal. There are a lot of strange dudes floating around here and I don’t want to make eye contact with.”

I said, “Shall I call you “Girl with glasses” or do you have a name?”

“Oh,” she said, “I’m Laney.”  I said I believe I like that better than “Girl with glasses.  Do you spend a lot of time here in the library?”

She answered, ‘Of necessity I do.  My mother is one of the professors here and I don’t dare get less than a top grade.”  She went on saying, “My father is on Sabbatical, and we aren’t sure where he is, in South America I think.”

I asked her, “Do you go out much?”

She said, “Not much, most of the guys I know are too boring.  They do their act and see if they get a favorable reaction.  It’s almost like they are still in the first grade. They have developed a persona unlike their true self but after awhile who they are will come to the surface, totally blottful.”

“Blottful?”

“Yes you know, someone incredibly, idiotically, and hopelessly, oblivious to people or events going on around them.  Am I maniac and everything is about me, Laddie.’

I said, “Wow, I don’t know if you are more intelligent than me but you sure are better educated.  Do you think we could drop down on a lower plane and have coffee sometime and just enjoy our company and become… just friends overlooking any deficiencies?”

She laughed and said, “I think that could be arranged.” She asked, “Do you have a girl friend?”

I said, ‘Yes, and she is off somewhere else, yes matter of fact she is attending Princeton.”

“Very good,” she nodded approvingly; “How is she doing?”

I said, “Okay I guess. I don’t hear from her too often, she is busy you know.”

She laughed and said, “I know.  If I was at Princeton I would be very busy. Here with my mom watching me I can’t be that kind of Busy.”

That remark caused me to bristle a little and I said, “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” she said, “But being away, belonging to a sorority there are certain demands being made on you and you are forced to participate in the scheduled events, some of which push the envelope a little.

If I were you I would invest in a phone call now and then.  Hearing a person’s voice can help one’s sanity to return.”

I didn’t like what she said but it all made good sense and I did appreciate her being forthright with me.  I was beginning to believe, what you see is what you get with her.
 
She was ‘as represented’ without a lot of pretence.  Those kinds of people are hard to find, my dad being one of them.

We decided we would have lunch tomorrow after class and chat some more.

While working at the market one of the guys who always, using a western term, rawhided me came over and said a friend of his who was attending Princeton met Sally and she was having a gay old time.

She was very popular with all the boys and was getting an education from them.

I was getting ready to haul off and smack him but he ran out of the store laughing.  It probably was for the best for I may have lost my job which I needed.  
 
I figured he was lying but still I was bothered by what he said and I decided to call Sally a little later.

To be Continued 

 

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