JUST CALL ME GULL

My friends call me Gull, and that is alright with me cause most of them can’t spell my full name which is Gullible Scruggs.

When I were born my pappy wanted to name me with a hardly used name so as to make me stand out. I found out later that the reason for people not naming their offspring Gullible was some take it to mean “Not so smart,” but that doesn’t apply in my case.

In fact I’m smarter than most around here, and not only that I’m inventive or at least that’s what the car dealer said. The reason he said that was because I saved my money and went to town to buy me a car and the nice used car man sold me a real pretty one.

I drove it home, well almost home before it quit running, and me and a neighbor finished by pushing it home. I called the nice used car man and told him what happened and he said: “You are very inventive, and you’ll figure out what to do with it.” Well after he had bragged on me like that I figured it were up to me to know what to do.

I decided to park it in front of my house where people could see it for I figured that half the benefit of having a pretty car was for the looking at it, and the other half was the riding part. At least this way it wasn’t much of a loss. I guess that is what he meant when he said I was inventive.

Something that bothered me was, I was growed up and wasn’t hitched up as of yet. One day my pappy came and said I was to get married, and he had picked out a gal who was willing. Since I trusted pappy I said it would be okay (I figured he had more experience than I did with women).

I washed good and we all went down to the preacher who said some words I didn’t understand, when they were put together like he did. Afterward they said I was married, I felt the same as before, so I thought that getting married didn’t have anything to do with feelings. My pappy said I should go on a honeymoon, and he explained to me what that was. I wasn’t ready for that for it took my breath away and also scared me. After I got over my shock and settled down he said; go to town and get a room and enjoy it, what ever “it” meant.

My wife Lucy was a city gal, and knew more about city stuff than I did, so she took care of everything including my money. When it was getting dark she told me to get myself something to eat if I was hungry, and that she would be back later, maybe. She explained that she had a date with her boyfriend, and couldn’t break it. Well I figured if she had gave her word then she should keep it.

It must have been a long date because it has been three months, and I haven’t seen her or my money since then.

The one thing I began to wonder about is “What’s so great about being married”?

I’ll get it figured out because my name isn’t Gullible Scruggs for nothing