HALF A LOAF chapter 7 SOMEONE NEW

Someone New
courtesy photobucket

 

I went to bed thinking about the spider and the fly poem, and strange as it seems I woke up with it on my mind or at least the moral of the story.

During my musing I wondered who or when the next spider would be coming along and how I would respond to it’s luring.

The early morning found me in the library wondering if I might discover some ancient wisdom that would help lead my feet in the right direction when tempted to err.

While reading the myth of Ulysses I saw two things;

One was when the Siren sings you better have wax in your ears or you will be rendered incapable of rational thought because of their melodies

And Two; like most I find myself wanting to hear the song of temptation and trying to devise a way to bring it about.  Ulysses answer was to be tied to the ship’s mast so he could hear but not be drawn into their web of destruction and crash on the rocks.

Alexander Pope, 1725 spoke thusly;

“Next, where the Sirens dwell, you plough the seas;

 Their song is death, and makes destruction please

 and wide around lay human bones that whiten all the ground.

 The ground polluted floats with human gore

 and human carnage taints the dreadful shore.

 Fly swift the dangerous coast: let every ear

 be stopp’d against the song! ’tis death to hear!”

The Bible put it in another way; 2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness”

Or as my dad says, “If you play with fire you will surely get burnt.”

I left the library as confused as when I entered.  All I really know is, I find myself being drawn to things I want to avoid.  

The Apostle found himself in a similar position when he said; “I want to do what is good, but I don't.  I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.”

Trying to find out what life is all about isn’t easy.  You would think it would all come about naturally but it doesn’t happen that way, you have to work through it.

While in the library I noticed a rather plainly dressed girl who wore glasses.

The strange thing about her that caught my attention was she was in the midst of this “Menagerie” of people and yet she looked normal.

I found myself drawn to her for no particular reason and was stimulated by strange unclear thoughts.  I began to question my sanity.

Perhaps it was being separated from Sally and the episode with the married woman or perhaps I was just lonely.  After all there are a lot of people who are just lonely I told myself.

For the next few days I found myself fantasying about her (the gal with glasses) and I hadn’t even spoke to her yet.  At this stage I thought if I had the money I would go to see a head doctor and see if he could straighten me out but I can’t afford his fees.

Then it occurred I could go to the sin expert, the Pastor of the church for what I was having trouble might be a sin issue.  I made an appointment to see the pastor and when I got there I found it difficult to describe what was going on (how do you explain wanting something you don’t want).

I finally got it out that I was having trouble keeping reality in focus.  I tend to fantasize about too many situations.  The Pastor said; “Me too.” 

I could see he was just trying to put me at ease.  He said the mind is a powerful thing especially the imagination factor.  It will take us to places we can’t go, do things we can’t do.  

This is especially true when it comes to relationships or potential relationships.  As long as we don’t act on these imaginations in the real world they will do little harm for they soon fade away (Although Jesus might disagree.

Matthew 5:28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart).

I said to him, “Yeah maybe it’s something like that”.  Maybe I’m doing stuff on the inside but not on the outside.  He smiled and said, “Now you’re getting me confused”.

He said someday you may want to get married.  Understand whatever you do today will be part of your marriage for things may be forgiven but never forgotten.

Things stay lodged in our brain file cabinet somewhere and can affect a future relationship so just be cautious how you live your daily life.

As I left I felt I needed to be slapped back to reality as this fantasy stuff will really confuse you.

Since it was my day off I decided to go back to the library and I almost bumped into the girl with glasses.  She dropped a book which I retrieved for her and said, “My name is Lon. I have seen you in one of my classes and in the library.”

“Oh,” she said, “I don’t recall ever seeing you.”  

I said, “I’m kinda invisible to some people, they can’t see me.”

She said, “I don’t pay much attention to people around me especially here at Cal. There are a lot of strange dudes floating around here and I don’t want to make eye contact with.”

I said, “Shall I call you “Girl with glasses” or do you have a name?”

“Oh,” she said, “I’m Laney.”  I said I believe I like that better than “Girl with glasses.  Do you spend a lot of time here in the library?”

She answered, ‘Of necessity I do.  My mother is one of the professors here and I don’t dare get less than a top grade.”  She went on saying, “My father is on Sabbatical, and we aren’t sure where he is, in South America I think.”

I asked her, “Do you go out much?”

She said, “Not much, most of the guys I know are too boring.  They do their act and see if they get a favorable reaction.  It’s almost like they are still in the first grade. They have developed a persona unlike their true self but after awhile who they are will come to the surface, totally blottful.”

“Blottful?”

“Yes you know, someone incredibly, idiotically, and hopelessly, oblivious to people or events going on around them.  Am I maniac and everything is about me, Laddie.’

I said, “Wow, I don’t know if you are more intelligent than me but you sure are better educated.  Do you think we could drop down on a lower plane and have coffee sometime and just enjoy our company and become… just friends overlooking any deficiencies?”

She laughed and said, “I think that could be arranged.” She asked, “Do you have a girl friend?”

I said, ‘Yes, and she is off somewhere else, yes matter of fact she is attending Princeton.”

“Very good,” she nodded approvingly; “How is she doing?”

I said, “Okay I guess. I don’t hear from her too often, she is busy you know.”

She laughed and said, “I know.  If I was at Princeton I would be very busy. Here with my mom watching me I can’t be that kind of Busy.”

That remark caused me to bristle a little and I said, “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” she said, “But being away, belonging to a sorority there are certain demands being made on you and you are forced to participate in the scheduled events, some of which push the envelope a little.

If I were you I would invest in a phone call now and then.  Hearing a person’s voice can help one’s sanity to return.”

I didn’t like what she said but it all made good sense and I did appreciate her being forthright with me.  I was beginning to believe, what you see is what you get with her.

 

She was ‘as represented’ without a lot of pretence.  Those kinds of people are hard to find, my dad being one of them.

We decided we would have lunch tomorrow after class and chat some more.

While working at the market one of the guys who always, using a western term, rawhided me came over and said a friend of his who was attending Princeton met Sally and she was having a gay old time.

She was very popular with all the boys and was getting an education from them.

I was getting ready to haul off and smack him but he ran out of the store laughing.  It probably was for the best for I may have lost my job which I needed.  

 

I figured he was lying but still I was bothered by what he said and I decided to call Sally a little later.

To be Continued 

 

HALF A LOAF Chapter 6 The Spider and the Fly

Come Into My Parlor Said the Spider to the Fly
courtesy free clip art

 

Sally has been gone for a week now and with each day missing her is beginning to hurt less.

It’s not because I love her less but my classes and work don’t leave me much time to think of her.  I’m beginning to wonder if I have bit off more than I can chew taking four courses this semester.

While I can understand most of what is being taught relating it to real life is another thing.  I’m at the library first thing in the morning due to the fact it is very quiet there. After a hard day studying, working at the market is a relief.

I receive a welcomed letter each week from Sally.  She doesn’t say much about difficulty with her classes which makes me feel a little embarrassed for I know her subjects are as difficult as mine.

She has been accepted into a sorority and as it turns out it was the one her mother belonged to.  

Something is happening at work that makes me feel a little uncomfortable and that is one of the female employees at the market has been friendlier each day.  

She seems like a nice person and I like her alright, but I don’t know just how to handle the situation.  She says she is twenty four which seems about right and she isn’t bad looking.  I don’t know too much about her for I had no interest in her.

Out of the store’s thirty employees over half are women and so I never focused on her as a person and I thought she did the same.  One evening during her break she came over to where I was stocking shelves.

She said, “I hear your girl friend has gone back east to college.”

I said, “You heard right she is at Princeton.”

“It must be nice to be able to get away from all the restraints of family and the locals you know and those who know you.”

I didn’t want to go there so I said, “I guess.”

She continued, “I would like to have gone to college but I got married right out of high school.”

I said, “Why don’t you go to night school?”

She said, “I can’t.”

I answered, “Why not?”

She responded by saying, “I’m tied up every evening.”

“Do you have another job or just date a lot?”

She said, “I’m married and have two kids and they keep me busy.”

I just said; “Oh I didn’t know.”

“You should come over and meet them sometime,” she said.

“Perhaps I shall, sometime,” and went back to stocking shelves.

We both got off work at the same time in the evening and she said, “I don’t feel safe walking to the bus stop at night can you walk there with me?”

I said, “Sure for I have to catch a bus home anyway.”

While waiting for the bus she asked me if I would like to have a drink before going home.

This embarrassed me and I wasn’t comfortable being asked by a married woman to go to a bar with her.  Not knowing what else to say I just said, “Don’t you have to get home to your kids?”

She said, “No, my mom takes care of them till I get there.”

I really began to feel like a kid.  Here was a woman wanting to spend time with me and I was trying to find a way to avoid doing it.  

Not knowing what else to say I said, “I promised my folks I would be there for their anniversary.  Of course I was lying but I didn’t have time to worry about that at the time.

She said, “Maybe some other time.”

I said, “Yea maybe.”

The bus came and we got on.  She sat next to me and was almost sitting on my lap. Thankfully her stop was closer than mine and it didn’t take long to get there.  She squeezed my hand which she had been holding and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She waved at me as the bus pulled away and I just nodded and to my self said, “Whew.”

When I arrived home I was exhausted and wanted to go straight to bed but my dad was still up and he called to me as I was heading for the stairs.  I knew he wanted to chat with me for a moment so I joined him in the living room which he jestingly would refer to as the parlor.

He said, “I watched you come in and you looked a little bothered by something.”

I said, “No, no, there isn’t anything.”

He gave me the look my mother always gave me when she suspected I wasn’t forth coming, so I said, “Yea there is a little problem.”

I laid it out as best I understood what was going on and he said, “Hmmm.”

After a few more, “hmmm’s” he asked, “Are you interested in her?” which caused me to emphatically deny any interest in the woman.

He said, “That makes it worse due to the woman scorned factor.”

He said, “Your best way to deal with this is to get your hours adjusted so you don’t get off the same time she does and I’m thinking about getting a new car and giving you the old one. You then won’t have to ride the bus home that late at night.”

I told him I would try that.  The next day I asked the manager about working a later shift or adding a couple more hours to my shift.  He told me that he needed me at the hours I now worked, but I could work a longer shift for four days if I wanted and take an extra day off if that would help me.

Everything went well for several weeks until one night she went to the bar and got inebriated.  

She returned back to the store a wee bit smashed and bought her weeks groceries.  

I was just getting off so she wanted me to give her a ride home.  

She couldn’t carry all of the stuff she had bought so she wheeled the basket full of goods out to my car and stood there.  I loaded her and her goods and headed toward her home.  She tried to get friendly and it was hard to keep the car in the road.

Finally we arrived at her place and before she could say anything I said, “This it. Don’t do this anymore.  The next time I will call a taxi for you and you can pay him however you want.”

As we stepped out of the car a man came out of the shadows and said; “So, you are the guy she has been going out with?”

I told him to back off.  All I had done was to bring her home with her groceries and I wanted them out of my car, now.  

She started handing him the bags and he took them.  As they went in the house they were arguing about where she had been all night.  I hoped that this was the end of this foolishness.

I thought to myself, “All she needed was her husband home with her for she wasn’t the type to be left alone.  She needed his support and he was off saving the nation when he should have been saving his marriage.”

When I arrived home I went by the parlor and thought of a poem my mother used to read to me as a child and it went like this;

Step into My Parlour

Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly,
‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I’ve a many curious things to shew when you are there.”
Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the Spider to the Fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I’ll snugly tuck you in!”
Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “for I’ve often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!”

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, “Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I’ve always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that’s nice;
I’m sure you’re very welcome — will you please to take a slice?”
“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “kind Sir, that cannot be,
I’ve heard what’s in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!”

“Sweet creature!” said the Spider, “you’re witty and you’re wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I’ve a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you’ll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself.”
“I thank you, gentle sir,” she said, “for what you’re pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I’ll call another day.”

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
T

hen he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
“Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple — there’s a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!”

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue –
Thinking only of her crested head — poor foolish thing! At last,

Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour — but she ne’er came out again!

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne’er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.*

To be Continued

 

HALF A LOAF Chapter 5 Remember Me

Departing is such Sweet Sorrow
courtesy photobucket.com

 

During my free time in the summer, I had spent a lot of time with Sally and we were very comfortable with each other.

Occasionally we would kiss but it was more like a friendship kiss.  It wasn’t a kiss of passion where there was a lot of heavy breathing and stuff.

I pretty well managed to keep my hands to myself and if I inadvertently touched her somewhere verboten she would give me her no, no look and that was that.  

She had gone with me when I picked up my college books and we stopped to eat at one of the small bistro’s that were prevalent near the university.

While eating she saw a table of trashy individuals sitting nearby.  She spoke to one of them and tried to converse with him but he wasn’t too coherent.

Later I had to ask why she tried to strike up a conversation with him and she said he was one of her old schoolmates and he was making some wrong decisions.

His family was rich and they wanted him out of the house.  They give him some survival money just to stay away from them.  She said I know several others there but he was enough to satisfy her curiosity about his new lifestyle.

I told her I didn’t find them very interesting but they were smart enough to get in the university and that had to count for something.  I recall how hard it was for me to get my grades up to the schools standard.

She said, “I’m finished and am ready to go if you are.”

I replied, “Let’s get out of here.”

Sally had driven us to Cal and on the way home she said, “School starts in two weeks and I am leaving tomorrow.  I could have told you sooner but you would have been thinking about it all summer.  This way we were free from worrying about the day approaching.”

I answered, ‘We only have the rest of the day to be together?”

She said, ‘Yes, I’m already packed except a few things I will carry with me.”

She said, “Come home with me and we will just sit and talk about the past and the future.”

When we reached her house I greeted her mother and then called my folks to tell them I would be late getting in or at least I hoped it would be late.  We sat and talked about the things we did this summer and I had dinner with them.

After dinner we went up to Sally’s room which was almost like an apartment and really said very little.  

As we lay on her bed I was thinking about a couple of guys who were in a similar situation as I was who made it for the first time with their girl friend before they left for college.

I knew that wasn’t going to happen with us, but the thought was there anyhow.

I was just getting settled in about seven o’clock when there was a knock at the door and her mother came in and said, “Say your goodbyes for I have much to finish up with Sally and she needs to get her rest for the trip.  Ten more minutes and then you must leave.”

I politely said, “Thank you for the meal and you’re hospitality, I’ll be going shortly.”

Sally could see I was not taking her leaving very well.  I had counted on staying most of the night and being shown the door much later and it wasn’t helping the situation.  

As I sat there pouting she said, “I will be right back.”

My ten minutes was just about up and I thought, “Don’t leave me.”

She was only gone for a moment and then was back.

I said, “I don’t want your mother to have to come back again so I better go.”

She said, “I want you to remember me while I’m gone.”

I said, “That’s crazy, I will be thinking of you all the time.”

She said, “Just to make sure you do I want you to remember these.”  

With that she raised her blouse and… well just let me say I remembered them… I mean her all the time.

After embracing for awhile I said, “Goodbye, see you at Christmas… I hope. Write me when you have time.  

 

We will both be busy and writing will be hard to find time for. If you send me your number I will call you sometime.”

As I left the house I couldn’t help but wonder about other kids who were facing a similar situation as Sally and I and how they are handling it.  What they did or are doing before their separation.

Even with understanding the why for’s it was still a confusing time.  I felt like I was losing her and feared I wouldn’t get her back.  

The one thing I knew was that being away among who knows what kind of girls; she was going to change.  She wouldn’t be the same for that is what going away without the restraints of parents is suppose to do.

Would her strong character be enough to not scum to their level of morality?

 

I comforted myself by thinking she surely will stay above the peer pressure to experiment as many have already done.

There wasn’t anyone I could discuss this with for my peers would say, “Man this is college, it is give it up time.”

I further thought it can’t be as bad I am surmising or could it.

To be Continued 

HALF A LOAF Chapter 4 Life After the Prom

The Girls were Making Fun of Me
courtesy free clip art

I had the next day off after the prom so later in the day I went to the market to pick up a few things. 

While I was there I saw a couple of the girls who were with the boys I had trouble with the night before.

They came over and started to talk to me which was unusual.  

They said, "You really showed the boys we were with, who was boss."  They went on with that line of talk until I stopped them.

“If the guys hadn’t been drunk they would have whipped me up one side of the street and down the other.”  Len is a lot bigger and much stronger than me and I was lucky to get the first lick in.”

The girls tried to ignore my comments, and said, “You must come over tonight and we will party.”

I said, “I don’t think so.  If I was seen at your house the guys would have two reasons to beat me up.  One reason was for hitting Len, and the second for trying to make a move on their girls.”

They looked at me somewhat askance so I said, “If you were seen with me everyone would put you down as being desperate and besides you aren’t really interested in me you are just funning.”

They said, “Since you went out with Sally your standing in the dating community has improved.”

I went on to say, “You girls are too classy for me and it would be a put down for you especially if it got out that Sally’s mother who knew me from the market found out I didn’t have a prom date so she ordered Sally to go with me.”

The idea that they were on a higher social plain than me, and that would be compromised if they were seen with me satisfied them, and they left with their nose in the air as usual.

I felt a relief for I didn’t want to have a fight over those particular girls.  They had already acquired the reputation of having loose morals and were the property of the guys I had the run in with.  I had too much on my plate at this time to get involved with something I wasn’t interested in.

I called Sally later that afternoon and she invited me over and I told her about meeting the girls at the market and how it played out.

She laughed at that and said, “You are lucky to get out of a no win situation.  If you had gone to the girl’s house, the guys would be after you and if you had offended the girls they wouldn’t have stopped until they got even in a way that you would have had difficult time getting over.”

One of the things Sally and I discussed on prom night was our plans for the future.

She had been accepted by Princeton and would be on the other side of the United States while I was still trying to get into Cal.  

For the last three years I had been working in my spare time and saving my money for college.  I was still short by a lot but hoped to get enough scholarship money to make up the difference.  

Sally told her dad about my situation and he called me into his large office and said he might be able to help me.  He dealt with several major corporations’ who had scholarship money and he knew all the right people to talk to.

About three weeks later I had more money pledged than I needed.  I was tempted to go out and buy a car but decided it would be an unnecessary expense for it was just two blocks to the bus stop and the bus ride was only twenty minutes each way.

I was soon to discover that being qualified and getting enrolled in the classes you needed were two different things.  I met up with a professor who shopped at the market I worked at, and we discussed some of the problems I was having. 

He gave me some wise advice about how to get by some of the roadblocks I was experiencing.  After the discussion with him I managed to get all the classes I wanted and was now a university student.

College Students?

Some how part of my elation was dampen by seeing how many of the male students were dressed to look like tramps with long hair and unkempt beards.

Also many of the females were approaching looking nasty.  Most were such a large number with an aversion to soap and water.  On hot days you could tell they were near without looking.

After adjusting to this new outward phenomenon I said to myself “welcome to Berkley.”  

To be Continued  

HALF A LOAF Chapter 3 Prom Night

The Senior Prom
courtesy photobucket.com

 

My school years gave me a taste of what eternity is like.  It seemed as if they would never end.  Finally it was graduation day!

I made it through all the senior events the high light should have been the senior prom, but it was one of the few times Mercy’s parents intervened and they chose the date for Mercy.  

This was the bummer of all bummers.  I was really looking forward to taking her to the prom.  It was the biggest let down of my whole life so far.

I hadn’t done anything to deserve this kind of treatment for she wanted to go with me. It came down to social politics where it was important to associate with and be seen with the right person.

I always thought her parents liked me, but this was something beyond their control.  I knew several girls of what was considered to be the lower stratum of society by my schoolmates and I chose one of them named Sally to be my prom date.

Actually I didn’t know her and had only talked to her at the malt shop and the city library.  However when I asked her to go with me she said okay.

I had never been to her house and when I arrived it was a mansion with servants and everything.  I was told by the butler to wait in a large room that was most elegant.  

 

After a few minutes a lovely woman came in and introduced herself as Sally’s mother and said she would be right down.

Sally was actually pettier than Mercy and in fact she was prettier than all of the senior girls at my school.  After seeing her in her beautiful dress I wished I had spent more money on the corsage I had bought for her.

She was most gracious and said how nice it was.  Her mother said we are not using the car for the evening so I will have Charles drive you.

We went out and there was their limousine and chauffeur waiting for us. Actually we were not that conspicuous because there were others also arriving in limos.

Several turned to stare at us when we entered the ball room where the prom was being held.  

 

After dancing a couple times she excused her self to go and freshen up.  While in the ladies refreshment room there were a number of snide remarks aimed in her direction which she ignored.

With a flip of her hair she walked by them with a snooty expression she had picked up from them.

When she returned, she told me about what happened and as I started to apologize, but she stopped me and said they weren’t classy enough to offend her.

During the evening a couple of the inflated egoists sauntered over and asked my date for a dance.  She coquettishly looked at me and said; “All my dances are reserved for my man here.”

They weren’t used to being turn down and one said; “I was just doing you a favor.”

She laughed and replied, “Is that what that was?  How noble for all to see. Why don’t you run back over to your friends and say something nasty about me and save face.”

They tried to hide their anger, but their facial expressions wouldn’t cooperate.

We had some watered down punch and danced a couple more times and she said, “Let’s get out of here.  These people are too boring to be around.  This is the reason I didn’t go to school with this bunch which I could have if I wanted to.”

She continued, “Just because they have a little money they consider themselves to be elitists.”

The prom was just half over but I had to agree with Sally it was kinda boring.  

I could see Mercy and she seemed to be having a great time.  Her date was dancing a lot closer to her than I would have liked.  It was the first time I felt jealousy.

This was a new experience for me but with Sally in my arms the feeling soon disappeared.  I hated to miss the last dance of the prom for it was usually a slow dance where the mood was romantic.

We left and found our car waiting for us and Charles took us to Sally’s house.  She said, “Come on in and we will have something to eat. That stuff that was catered tasted like…well it wasn’t very good, and I bet they got soaked for it.  My folks had some friends over for dinner and there will be some tasty stuff left I’m sure.

She brought out a feast and we stuffed ourselves.  

She said, “We have the finest cooks on staff because my folks often entertain.  Some times like tonight it will be friends and then it will be for business at other times.  My dad said he gets more done over dinner than he could ever manage during business hours.  There is nothing like a good dinner and a pleasant evening to close a deal.”

After eating I said, “Maybe I should leave,” but she said, “I want to get to know you and most of your classmates will be out most of the night so you are going to stay right here.”

Her mother was dressed for bed but she came down to check on us and asked how the prom was as we came home early and it made her wonder about it.

Sally said, ‘It was okay but I found Lonny to be more interesting than the people at the Ball.”

Her mom said, “I see…” then after a pause said, “I am going to retire… I’ll see you again mister Lon.”

I said, “I hope so… good night.”

For some reason Sally and I had to laugh at what had just occurred.

My impression of her mother was highly favorable.  Sally put on some soft music in the background and said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes; the bath room is at the end of the hall if you want to check it out.”

After seeing the bath I decided to make myself at home.  I removed my jacket and tie for they were rented and not the most comfortable clothes I was used to.

Shortly she returned and asked if I found everything I needed to which I replied, “Yes.”

She had changed into more comfortable clothes and looked more relaxed.

As I looked at her I felt like I had fallen in love.  I know that sounds silly but that was the way I felt and I knew I needed to watch out and not do something untoward.

I sat on the couch and she came over and sat over against me and took my arm and held me close.  We talked till early in the morning and I thought I heard the cook go into the kitchen so I figured it was time to leave.

She walked me to the door and kissed me like we were lovers.  I was tired but that pleasantly stunned me.

I said something like I would like to see you again if it’s okay with you.

She said, “Absolutely, you better call me later today.”

During our chatting she told me she had seen me many times while I was working at the super market, but had never spoke to me except once asking where a product was.

She said, “You took me over to the aisle where it was and pointed it out.  I didn’t want the item but ended up buying it because you were watching me.”

She said, ‘You probably don’t remember that.”

I told her, “I watched for you every time I was working there and even walked by your school when they let out just to see if I could spot you.”

She said, “Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“To be truthful,” I said; “I thought you were too pretty to be seen with me and when I asked you to my prom I didn’t think you would go with me but I just had to try.”

She said, “I’m glad you did otherwise we might have never got together and that would have been terrible.”

I had to agree with her on that.  I had driven my folk’s station wagon to her house and headed home in it when three of the guys at my school with three girls in the back seat pulled up alone side me and began making fun of me and the car I was driving.

They were in a very nice nearly new convertible and when I pulled into my driveway they stopped and were making lewd remarks about Sally.

I told them they must be talking about their mothers which made them very angry.

One of them jumped out and started swinging at me.  I hit him in the mouth and knocked him down on his back.  A couple more got out and tried to look menacing but when I took a fighting stance they changed their mind and picked their friend up and put him in their car.

As they were leaving one of them said, “We will get you for this.”

I shouted back, “I’m here right now, so have at me.”  I wouldn’t have been so bold if they hadn’t been about drunk.

I didn’t know if they would all try to jump me sometime or not but just in case I began to carry a pair of brass knuckles; Because if I was going to be attacked by that many guys I had to do something to even the odds.

To Be Continued

HALF A LOAF Chapter 2 Mercedes had Mercy on Me

Montgomery Ward Catalogue
courtesy free clip art

As I continued to grow up I had accepted my lot which was to be the Piedmont poor boy.

The division between the accepted and those who were to be looked down upon were defined by their clothing and their demeanor.

The division was the Nordstrom/ Monkey Ward line.  I wore clothing from the catalog department of Wards while the rest wore clothing from places like Nordstrom or the equivalent.

During some of the special events many of the girls would show up wearing a gown from Paree as they preferred to call it.

 
When I got home each day I would remove my Wards clothing and put on some second hand stuff.  In the midst of all this I remained happy which was more than most of the kids could say even with all their opulence.

With my best efforts I could never best the other kids either in athletics or school subjects and that was discouraging to me.  It seemed there was always someone just a little better or smarter so it was something I had to live with.

Thankfully my parents never got on my case for they knew I was doing as well as I could.  During the years I discovered that there was one thing I was better than all the other kids and that was being consistence.  I didn't vary much and while I never was the best I always performed at a high level.

Never having been exalted I didn't have to be expected to maintain that level of perfection.  Those who failed in those pursuits were looked down upon as not trying and were not respected by their peers.

In this area social standing was everything and since I wasn't uppity enough I was excluded from almost all the extracurricular activities which gave me more time for things I was interested in.

None of the guys would invite me to hang out with them and the girls avoided me like the plague.  It would have cost them dearly to go out with me so they just avoided me altogether.  

It didn't help that I would go to dances with girls in the next school district and occasionally go to a show with one of them.  The one thing I didn't do was invite one of them to a get together at my school for they would have been miserable being ignored and put down with snide remarks.

Something happened during my senior year that changed things drastically.

A family moved in that was very rich and had a great deal of influence in the community.  They had a daughter who took a liking to me.  

Her parents had enrolled her in Mills College while she was still in elementary school.

She wasn't impressed by all the foolishness that the others thrived on.  We were together a great deal of the time and because of her standing the snobs didn't dare to exclude her and me from the parties they threw.

I realized that nothing had changed as far as their attitude toward me.  It was much the same as before.  For the first time in my life I wasn't ignored I just wasn't accepted which didn't bother me for I was used to that treatment.

This gal was named Mercy or was called that for her name was really Mercedes.  I thought that Mercy was a good name for she showed mercy on me by dating me.  

The time I spent with her my senior year and the acceptance by her family caused me to hope that sometime I might get beyond the Half Loaf Life I was living.

To be Continued

 

HALF A LOAF Chapter 1 Prolog

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Courtesy free clip art

It certainly wasn't my choice but that was the way it played out.

As a youth I heard, "Half a loaf is better than none."  This was meant to placate those of us who had to do with less than the norm of the local society.  They felt it went with the half a mind we are credited with.

My folks named me Lionel but called me Lonny at first but as I got older it became Lon.

Further I have been questioning why some got the whole loaf and I had to do the compromising.  

Perhaps I should start back to the beginning.  Early on my family had some money and bought a house on the edge of an exclusive area of town called "Piedmont" where the uppity folks lived.  

My mom and dad went about their business just ignoring our circumstances of being considered the trashy element of our city.

There were others who were viewed similarly but they seemed to get the message "We don't want you here," and they would move.

We were old time residents seeing as it was grandpa who first bought the house we lived in; but since we were not the economically well off we were more or less ostracized.

Once when there was a city wide plea for funds for the poor in another city. My parents took what extra money they had which was more than they could afford and gave it to those collecting the money.

When they saw how much it was they said; "Oh well every little bit will help."  

This was the way it was, and my parents accepted it although I thought it must bother them to be treated thusly.

For me things were not too bad for I just stayed home, that is until it was time to go to school.  Then it was my turn to "suffer the slings and arrows" of these uppity snobs.

If my home had been a hundred feet to the left from where it was I would have been in another school district, and would have been with kids in the same straits as we were.  However such was not to be for the next twelve plus years.

I was put in my place soon after I started the first grade for none of the other kids would have anything to do with me.  I suppose this was my first experience with the half a loaf.

The teachers were of the same ilk and manifested the same attitude toward me.  I was as smart as the other kids and often deserved better grades but as I learned later my grades were based on our social standard as well as my scholastic work.

I was never allowed to have better grades than the other kids who were "my betters" in my class.

When it was obvious that this was occurring my folks objected, but it only made things worse for me.

When it came to sports I was as good as or better than most of the kids but the coaches felt I would be better suited as a bench warmer and was seldom allowed to play in a game.

Cast System in India
courtesy free clip art

While to some this might seem to be unfair, this allowed them to create and maintain a two tier society, not unlike the caste system in India.

If everybody were treated the same what would be the basis for the difference.  

That being said; I did perform a service for the neighborhood by being considered inferior.  

To be Continued