Chapter twelve
A few months later we received
the news that Jenny had passed in her sleep. This was difficult news to bear
for all of us. They had contacted George and he sent the news on to the family.
He said he would escort the coffin back home for the funeral.
George arrived two days later
and brought my Ma with him. I was shocked and glad to see her at the same time.
I didn’t know how grandpa would act to seeing her. She appeared well, in fact
better than she had looked for a long while.
I put them up at the hotel for
I didn’t dare take them out to the ranch. The funeral director picked up the
coffin and the funeral was the next day. The preacher conducted the service
grave side. The families gathered together and were in their own family groups.
It was when the casket was
being lowered into the grave that Grandpa saw my Ma. He was visibly shaken when
he saw her.
As the grave was being filled
almost everyone was weeping. My Ma was
crying out loud along with most of the people for Jenny was loved by all. I
couldn’t take it any longer and burst out crying so much my tears blurred my
vision.
Someone came up behind me and
placed their arms around me. I turned around and hugged the person tightly as I
continued to weep. After a while I released whoever it was for I couldn’t see
clearly.
Then I saw both my grandparents
hugging my Ma. Grandpa was saying under
his breath; “I was wrong,” over and over and saying “Please forgive me.”
All grandma could say was; “My
baby, my baby.” We all went to the
church and had a time of remembrance and dinner on the grounds.
I was surprised at myself
crying like that. I thought I had dealt
with my loss and moved on but I still needed to express my grief that way.
Now things are different, the
past is just the past and I’m moving on. My life is before me and I feel ready
to think on having some female company. The only problem was there was no one I
was interested in. I would meet new women but I wasn’t attracted to any of
them.
My mind went back to the
funeral and the person who comforted me. I didn’t know who it was but it was
someone soft and kind. That was the only thing I could remember, she was soft
and - - -.
I embarrassingly asked a couple
of people if they knew who she was. If she was old or young and they said they
didn’t know that any one consoled me.
I didn’t go over to Jenny’s
folks anymore except for business. On
this last occasion Jenny’s dad Luke wasn’t there and her ma was busy cooking so
Nell entertained me. She said dinner
will be ready soon and Dad should be back shortly.
This was the first time I had
sat down with her and had a conversation. She was a year younger than Jenny and
had wanted to go to a girl’s school instead of being stuck at the ranch. She
talked about her time away from her folks and wondered if she had done the
right thing.
As I listened to her I realized
she was completely different from Jenny even though they were sisters. There
was a reserve calmness about her that was a strong attraction to me. Nell was a warm woman but without the
boisterousness associated with most of the women I had met. She exuded
confidence without being offensive.
As I was being mesmerized by
her, Luke came in and broke the spell. I wanted to discuss once again the
delivery of the cattle to the packing house. He and some of the others ranchers
were part of the deal. We had to schedule when each rancher would have their
steers at the rail head. After three hours we had everything sorted out and
Luke said, “Well its supper time so let’s eat.”
I said, “I’m still full from
dinner,” and he said, “Nonsense. A healthy growing boy like you could eat five
times a day and still be hungry.”
I agreed to stay the night and
ate a great meal. It had been some time since I had stayed overnight at Luke’s
place. While Jenny was alive I stayed there often. This time it seemed strange
for some reason. It was as if I was out of place although I knew I was welcome.
I talked with Luke for an hour
after supper about the things relating to the coming winter; the selling of the
saleable stock and getting the hay in to feed the stock through the winter.
Then all at once he said, “I’m
going to join Ma in the bed,” and he got up and left with these words; “I’ll
leave you young folks to discuss things that pertain to you.”
We just sat there for a minute
looking at one another. Then I said, “What do you think he meant by that?” Nell smiled and said, “I guess we should talk
about things that pertain to us although I’m not sure what that means.”
I said, “I haven’t seen you at
many of the doings going on in town, the dances and such.”
She said, “No I had enough of
the social life while I was in school. Every week there was something you
needed to attend. I grew weary of what
amounted to a lot of falseness.”
I said, ‘You must have a
boyfriend.”
She said, “Well there a lot of
want-a- bes but I found them boring.”
I said, “I was about to invite
you to the dance on Saturday night but I guess that is out.”
She smiled and said, “Why don’t
you ask and see what happens.”
I said, ‘No, there is a good
chance I would be a lot more boring than the hot shots you met in school.”
She said, “Well if you didn’t
mean it…”
I said, “Yes I did mean it,
will you go?”
She kinda of looked out in
space, waited, and then she smiled and said, “Yes it sounds like fun.”
After the dance I will stay at
a friend’s house. I could see she was playing with me.
I went to bed and as I lay
there waiting to go to sleep I wondered if I was doing the right thing dating
Jenny’s sister. I concluded that after the dance Saturday I might be clued in
as to whether I was on the right track.
Nell’s folks were going to the
dance this Saturday which was something they didn’t always do. It made me wonder if it had something to do
with the fact I had a date with Nell. Could that be the reason for them attending?
Luke kind of set the whole
thing up but that meant she would be coming with them instead of me picking her
up. I thought meeting her there made the date little less meaningful which was
alright. I would be taking her to her friend’s house after the dance and that
would be some time alone with her.
Saturday night came and I was
ready for it. My grandparents decided to come for they still like to knock a
step or two every once in a while.
But there again I wondered if
it had something to do with Nell being my date for the night. I met her at the
door when she arrived and as soon as we entered the ball room guys rushed over
to us and was asking her for a dance as the evening wore on. She graciously
said that she was with me for the evening and that I had asked for all her
dances.
I received some hard looks and
I said it would be alright if she wanted to dance with someone else. She said, “Only
if you want me to, if you want to get rid of me for a while.”
That took the breath out of me
and when I could speak I said; “Forget I said anything I was just being
foolish. After all why should I share my pleasure with those yokels?”
She laughed at that and said; “No
wonder Jenny loved you so, you are a very sweet boy.”
The very mention of Jenny’s
name caused the pain of losing her rush to the surface again. It had only been
a few months since we buried her.
After the first dance I came
back to myself and put all my focus on Nellie. During the evening a couple of
guys came and asked Nell to dance and her answer was always the same; no thank
you, I’m with Randle. Those words gave me a boost in confidence; she was with
me and didn’t have a roving eye looking for someone else as virtually every
other girl was doing.
You could see games being
played all over the room. Some trying to attract attention to trying to make
their date jealous or get a fight started over them.
I noticed her father watching
every move I was making and my grandpa had his eye on me also. I felt like a fish swimming in a small pool of
water.
Nell said for me to relax and
not to be afraid to hold her a bit closer. She said, “You know I won’t break so
loosen up.”
That helped a little but it
also put a little more pressure on me for I knew her folks would see me doing
that.
I thought if I was here with
Jenny I would be squeezing her to me of course she and I had shared a lot of
time getting to know each other.
After sweating it most of the
evening I finally said to myself forget this and when the next slow dance began,
I pulled her close to me so I could feel her body touching mine. She was a real
live woman and I could begin to see me spending the rest of my life with her.
That moment was a breakthrough for me and from that point on all my focus was
on Nellie.
I could tell she had felt
something also for she relaxed in my arms. After the dance I walked her to her
friend’s house. We walked behind her friend and her date. I had become bold
enough to put my arm around her as we walked and we didn’t talk.
When I felt like speaking some
words to fill the silence I would pull her closer instead. When we arrived at
the friend’s home her date said goodbye and Nell invited me in. Her friend said
I’m worn out from being pushed around the whole evening so I’ll say good night.
I said perhaps I should go also,
but Nell said, “Do you want to leave?”
I replied, “No, not yet.”
She said, “Well stay then.”
We just sat next to each other
saying very little. Finally I got the nerve to speak some of what was going
around in my mind.
I said, “I know you have dated
a lot of guys who were pretty slick with words and I have only had one girl-friend
so I am a bit clumsy with what some would consider to be courting but I have
developed feeling for you. It isn’t something I’ve worked up it has just
happened. I don’t know where this will lead to but it would be a good time to
tell me you aren’t or couldn’t ever have feelings for me.”
I went on and said; “Perhaps I
shouldn’t have said this but there isn’t any sense wasting time on something
that has no chance of amounting to something if you can understand what I mean.”
She just sat there and said
nothing.
I thought to myself, “Boy I
have made a fool out of myself.”
Then she looked directly into
my eyes. I waited for her to speak and she just kept staring. I thought I don’t
know if I could ever get used to her doing this. One thing that was encouraging
she moved closer to me. While still
staring at me she leaned over, closed her eyes and kissed me.
Naturally I kissed her back…
several times.
She said, ‘Did that answer your
question?” We embraced for some time
until her friend came out and said, Perhaps you better leave before this gets serious.”
I said, “Yes I better go.” I
had to kiss her a couple of times while her friend watched.
As I left I heard her friend
say; “Wow, you sure know how to get a man going, you need to teach me how to do
that.
TO BE CONTINUED