PAT AND JON

What cha Doing?

Ringgg… “I wonder who is calling? Maybe if I answered I could find out. It could be that guy who wants the rent. Naw he always tries to catch you when you’re leaving. He even has a guy watching the back door. Now the only way to get out is over the roof and I hope he don’t figure that one out.”

“Hello this is Pat who is this?”

“Dis is Jon, what cha doing?”

“Nothing.”

“What you mean you are doing nothing?”

“I mean just what I said I’m doing nothing.”

“Well if doing nothing you is doing something ain’t you?”
“No-no, I’m doing something nothing which don’t count?”

“I still think you are doing something. Do you want to go do something?”

“Something what?”

“Something anything. How about we go feed the ducks on the lake…”

“Do you got bread?”

“Yeah I got bread but it belongs to my brother.”

“Yo brother? He been gone for a month how can he have bread?”

“He got bread, green bread.”

“You mean he got moldy bread?”

“Yeah, dats what I mean.”

“Dem ducks don’t eat moldy stuff you should know that.”

“Well I guess the duck feeding is off then, that is unless we can find some duck food.”

“Where yo sister at?”

“She work at the fast food.”

“Which fast food dat be?”

“You know the one with the clown.”

Wait now, there’s more than one clown in the fast food places.”

“How you know that?”

“I watch the T.V. and seed it.”

“If it’s on the T.V. then it must be right.”

“Yo know you still ain’t told me where we going to.”

“We ain’t going nowhere, I may go see my girl.”

“You got a girl?”

“Sho I got a girl.”

“Who is dat girl, do I know her.”

“Naw you don’t know her, you know who she is but you don’t know her.”

“How come I don’t know her if I know who she is?”

“That’s the way some things are, sometime you don’t know what you know.”

“Tell me who she is and then I might know her.”

“Well she is a cheer leader. She is the one who is the heaviest of them all.”

“Oh, you mean that fat one dey can’t pick up.”

“Yea that’s the one.”

“Do you take her out? I never saw you with her.”

“No I haven’t took her out yet.”

“Why you never take her out, maybe she won’t go with you.”

“What you mean she won’t go with me, fool.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t take her out there must be a reason and don’t call me fool.”

“Maybe I come over and we call her up and ask for a date.”

“No you can’t come over cause my ma said you can’t come over anymore.”

“Why I can’t come over no mo?”

“Because you make disgusting sounds and release vile smells. She has to air the house out for two days after you here.”

“Yo sure it is me and not her?”

“I done told you don’t come over.”

“Come over to my house and we call her from here.”

“No I don’t want to call her.”

“Yo don’t want to call her?”

“Do she know she yo girl friend?”

“No not yet.”

“When she gonna find out.”

“When I get around to telling her.”

“When dat gonna be?”

“Sometime soon, before school is out.”

“I don’t know how to tell you but I seed her with a guy and dey were doing kissing and stuff.”

“Doing stuff, what kind of stuff.”

“Yo know stuff like yo want to do.”

“Well that does it. I’m going to break up with her.”

“Yeah do dat, dat will teach her.”

“Yo shore I can’t come over?”

“Yes I’m sure, my momma is sure and my father’s so sure he said he was going to get the strap out and use it on me if you here anymore. Why don’t you come down to where I am and we can watch yo ex-girlfriend do stuff with her new boyfriend.”

“Yea, I’m going to do dat and maybe if it makes me mad enough we can pull him out of the car and beat him up.”

“Okay I be here watching her kiss him. Wow look at them go…”

FADED AFTER GLOW

William and Lettie had been a couple for two years and had avoided heavy petting because of what it could lead to.  They both believed that fornicating was taboo and were willing to do things God’s way.

 

While William never came out and proposed to Lettie they had talked about marriage on numerous occasions. It seemed that when the time came - eventually they would head for the altar and start their lives together.

William was shocked to receive a letter from her because they always talked on the phone or in person.  The letter was brief and to the point.

Dear William

I am sorry to have to tell you but I have met someone else and we are soul mates. I have never felt this way before and the way he talks to me it seems he knows what I want to hear. You are a good man but he is wonderful. We plan to move in together and be married someday. Don’t feel too bad for there is another girl out there somewhere for you and I hope you can be as happy as I am.

Your friend, Lettie

I am always calm on the outside but inwardly this shook me up. My Lettie, gone just like that. How did she find time to get involved with a stranger for we spent most of our free time together? The sorry feeling hadn’t had time to set in but anger was present and I felt it strongly.

A bit of rage rose up and I felt like injuring the guy for I had taken martial arts since a young boy. They taught restraint in such situations.

The same Bible that taught no sex before marriage also spoke of an eye for an eye and I was about ready to dot the guy’s eye for him.

I realized that the restraint the Bible places on a Christian can cause then to be less exciting than the whoremongers who sweet talk these silly women but that is the way the world has been since the fall.

I could have spiced up our romance with those little lies she probably fell for but I wouldn’t do that because it is total deception though it plays well. I can’t bring myself to wish her well because the whole thing is wrong even though it is acceptable in so many circles. I wrote back to her and simply stated:

“Lettie, Thank you for the information.” Bill

I felt there wasn’t any need to say more for nothing I felt like saying would have been edifying.

Three months later I bumped into her at the mall and as I turned away she came over and pulled on my arm and said, “Aren’t you going to say hello.”

I said, “Hello,” and started to walk away when she grabbed me again and started to use words we never used between each other all the time we were a couple.

I said “Excuse me I’m leaving,” and she got boisterous and insisted I talk to her.

I tried to walk away when someone (her boyfriend I think) came up and grabbed me and started to try to shake me. I gave him a fore finger to the chest over the heart and it all but paralyzed him.

Lettie looked stunned for her man was reputed to be one tough guy and here he was, whipped with one finger. As I walked away I couldn’t help but think that she had changed so much in a short time.

Rejecting God’s way really makes a difference. Her dress with its plunging neck line and the short skirt was showing more of her than I had ever seen before. Oh well, "C'est la vie" this is the life with all its surprises.

Perhaps one thing I should mention is once the word got out that Lettie had dumped me (a very unkind expression) my phone has been ringing with girls calling me and wondering if I was available. I went out with a few of them (several Christians among them) and while I had to try to cool some of them off there were a couple who were satisfied not to be mauled.

I came out and told all of them I needed to finish my education more than I needed a girlfriend. Most acted ugly and felt rejected but I couldn’t help that for I just told them the truth.

One girl, Joan wasn’t dismissed so easy and she said she understood but it wouldn’t hurt to have a friend would it.

I had to say, “Yes a friend should be okay.” She said, “Alright it’s settled we are friends and can go around together.”

I said, “Okay Joan, I guess it will be alright but no attachments or the friendship is over, you got that?”

“I got it she said but sometime you may get over the Lettie hurt feelings and things may change… that is possible isn’t it?”

I thought, “She has a way of getting her way when you are against it.” I said, “Okay we’re friends but just remember what I said.”

I was thinking, “She thinks she is so smart… I’m too smart for her and have no intention to get involved with her beyond friendship.”

As the days went by I fully expected her to try to warm up to me and start holding hands or something but she kept her distance and this began to irk me. There were girls coming up to me and rubbing against me while she was smiling at me and I didn’t like that one bit.  I thought she should show some sign of being jealous but no, not a trace.

I wondered why she hung out with me, what was wrong with me that she wasn’t turned on a little.

The senior dance was coming up with my four years degree to follow shortly. I asked if she was going to the dance with anyone and she said, “I think so but he hasn’t asked me yet.”

“Well he’s asking you now so what about it?”

She grinned at me and said, “Why sure… friend!”

The night of the dance I gave her a corsage as I picked her up from the dorm and she was beautiful. She always dressed down and her hair was in a bob so I never thought much about her looks one way or the other for after all we were only friends.

While I don’t say anything thing changed right then and there but there was something in the air. She realized it also and began take my arm and become more what you might call chummy.

Maybe it was the good night kiss after the dance that did it. She knew she could begin to reel me in for my resistance was all but gone.

Then something unexpected happened. I received a letter from Lettie and it said;

Dear William

I hesitated to write you but because of our long friendship I thought you might understand. I have been dumped by my live in boyfriend and I was wondering if we could meet and talk over old times.

She said I must be honest I have no attachments now. I got pregnant but took care of it so I’m free. We were never married, it wasn’t something he wasn’t interested in. I remember how close we were and believe we could be that way again. If you aren’t interested then don’t answer this letter or call me. I love you Lettie.

I showed the letter to Joan and she read it over a couple of times. She said, “That poor girl is older and wiser now.

She has to know there is no eraser for mistakes made in life. There is in reality perhaps forgiving but there is no forgetting for the hurt and scars remain. She is trying to get a fresh start but she comes with a lot of baggage. Are you going to answer her?”

I said, “No, she is yesterday news and I am not interested in old news.”

She said, “Looks like you have buried that part of your life for good and now it’s time for you to move on. That thing has been hovering over you in the present when it should have been in the past… are you ready to move on?”

“Yes I said; will you marry me?”

She laughed and said with a twinkle in her eye, “I thought you never would ask.

My answer has been there waiting from the time we first met. YES.” 

CHARLIE'S FIRST DATE

Charlie as a small boy was so bashful he would hide behind his mother’s skirt when company came.

His two sisters who were one and two years older than him and were almost as bad as he, but since they had out grown the skirt of their mom they would run and hide in the woods out behind the house.

In those days the roads were rough and the cars rattled loudly to give out a warning when some was coming.  The girls would watch from behind the big old cedar tree to see who it was. The dogs kept company at bay until someone from inside the house called them off so by the time they were let in the house they had a good look at them to decide if they were someone they wanted to see.

Ma didn’t care if the girls hid out cause they were usually dirty from walking barefoot in the dust that swirled up as they passed through it. 

To say ma didn’t care wasn’t exactly true. When the social worker came she wanted to see all the kids and since ma got paid by the head she had to round them up.  The lady would give each a quick checkup to see if we had T.B. or lice.  If anyone had lice it usually meant everyone did.

Charlie wondered why the lady would look down the shirt of the girls cause there wasn’t anything to see or at least he never saw anything when they were taking a bath.

Another thing that made him wonder was she never looked down ma’s dress after checking her head.  The social worker carried several cases of Blue Ointment and nit combs. They used nit combs whether they had lice or not until people started to make fun of anyone who carried one. Then it became one of the as needed items.

The blue ointment was very effective for killing lice except that long term use gave you mercury poisoning.

This particular time my uncle, (Uncle was what ma said to call them) came out with a robe almost on and said hello to the social worker. The lady quickly turned away for he was unclad and unpleasant to look at.

Ma quickly shoved him back into the bedroom and went in and gave him a talking to. The lady asked Charlie who that was.  He said, “That’s one of my uncles.”

“Do you have many uncles?”

“Yes I have more than anyone, a new one most every night.”

Ma came back and asked, “Are we clean, no lice?”

The worker said, ‘Yes, everyone is clean. I will see you in a month or so.”

As soon as the woman was out of sight ma sent my new uncle down the road and said don’t come back here no mo.

Charlie had to go to school for the first time this year. He missed last year for he was sick. His sisters helped him learn his letters and numbers. He was fascinated with them.

You could put two of the same ones together and they would become another number and take one away and again you would have a different one. He spent a lot of his time making new numbers and then changing them. For him it was almost like magic.

Then they taught him the alphabet. When he discovered what you could do with the letters he was amazed, you could line them up and spell your name. While he was a year behind he was anxious to start school the next year.

Halfway through the semester the teacher moved him up to the second grade for he understood all the subjects. Charlie was still shy and wouldn’t have anything to do with the other kids and they left him alone.

Once in a while one of his classmates would ask him how to solve a class problem and he would show them and then withdraw again. He especially avoided contact with girls as much as possible.  He wouldn’t answer them if they asked him something which wasn’t very often.

The more his sisters got on him about it the worse he got. One of his sisters, Bess heard someone call Charlie an introvert and she asked the teacher what an introvert was and she asked where she heard that word.

Bess said she heard two teachers talking and they said Charlie was the perfect example of an Introvert. When Bess told Charlie he was an introvert he began to cry and said; “I am not.”

Later he asked what an introvert was and Bess told him, “I don’t know for sure but I don’t think it is good.”

Charlie said, “Do you think it is a disease of some kind?”

Bess said, “I don’t know but it probably is.”

There was a big dictionary one of the uncles had forgotten and Charlie decided to look the word up with the help of Lucy the oldest of his sisters. They found the word and it said, “Opposite of extrovert.”

Charlie said, “I don’t know what an extrovert is but I ain’t that.”

Lucy said, “Don’t let it worry you as will outgrow it as you get older, you know like baby teeth.”

Charlie said, “Yeah, you’re probably right but to make sure the next time the social worker comes I will ask her for she knows about everything.”

One of the uncles came back a second and third time which was unusual. Their ma said, “We’re going to get married. Not legal like but just with the parson saying words we agree to. Don’t tell the social worker you have a new dad or she will have to stop our dole.

After the wedding Mr Jones moved into Ma’s bedroom and slept there. He was a nice man and didn’t drink whiskey or anything.

Shortly after marrying Ma he got a job and brought in much needed money. It was new and different to have a couple of pennies to spend on candy each payday. He took the family to the picture show to see the cowboys “shoot em up” movies each week which was fun.

It was like we had become rich all the sudden. One week he told Ma to buy the girls a new dress and some shoes. After that they started calling him Papa and that pleased him to no end. Charlie didn’t want to call him papa so he called him what his friends called him, Jonesy.  Now Jonesy liked to fish and he started taking Charlie with him and sometimes he went with him to sit around the stove at the general store and listen to the men talk about things Charlie never heard of.

This was pretty much the way things went over the next three or four years. Hanging around with Jonesy and his friends Charlie began to talk some. He would ask the men a question about what they were talking about and learned quite a bit.

After some time Charlie became comfortable conversing with the men folks but the only women he would talk to was his sisters, his ma, Aunt Jane and the teacher in a limited way.

By the time Charlie was in the seventh grade he still was handicapped by lack of communication skills due mainly to being in mixed crowds. There was something about females that caused him to clam up.

His teachers decided to take his problem head on and try to cure him of this foolishness. They first talked to his sisters and got a lot of information.

What stood out was his lack of social skills such as knowing how to dance and flirt. They enlisted his sisters to help in that area for they were among the most popular girls in school.

Then he was enrolled in a speech writing class. Following that it was memorizing famous speeches and giving them to an assembly at school. After a bit he did well in this controlled atmosphere.

Finally he was out on a debating team and this was where he began to have trouble. Having his thoughts challenged was almost overwhelming. There was a girl on the debate team that took interest in him and began to challenge everything he said.

This went on until one day he became angry and came out of his shell and the two of them went at it. At the end he not only held his own but some said he bested her.

This was something he had never done and he felt a little foolish doing it. Afterward he and this girl, Misty had a talk about how the debate went and how it could have been improved. She told him he could become a good debater if he tried.

From then on he paid more attention to what was going on in the debates his team were in and tried to analyze where they were losing.

By the end of the term he and Misty were quite friendly. But then the real test came. There was a dance coming up and Misty let him know she would be there and expected him to be there also.

Charlie was in a state of frustration. He wanted to go to the dance and yet he didn’t. His sisters had taught him all the dance steps and they said he could dance very well but there was this feeling he was going to make a fool out of himself.

These kind of thoughts went on until the night of the dance.

His sisters laid out his best duds and said get dressed or we will dress you. He finally got ready and made it to the doings.  Since it wasn’t a date night most everyone came by themselves.  He saw Misty talking to some guys but when she saw Charlie she came over and said, “Are you ready to show what you got?”

That just about sent him home for he wasn’t ready for that kind of talk. She grabbed his hand and said, “Let’s dance.”

After the first couple of steps he was dancing just like his sisters taught him. After the third dance he decided to try some of the fancy steps he had been taught and they went off just fine. The rest of the evening went well.

Several other girls asked him to dance and that felt pretty good to him it was just like he had blended in and he wasn’t hiding behind ma’s skirt anymore.

He walked Misty home and said he enjoyed being with her. He said, “I know this wasn’t a real date but maybe if you want we could go on a date to the movies.”

She said, “That would be alright, you call me and we will go.”

Charley was feeling pretty good walking home, he thought to himself, “I was going on my first date but there was one other thing that bothers me and that was; I never have kissed a girl before and I felt I needed to know how before I did.

This was troublesome and Charley wasn’t sure what to do.

His thoughts continued, “Now my sisters taught me how to dance, so maybe - - -.”

Pick Yourself Up

Pick Yourself Up

There is a saying, “Getting out of Dodge.” The meaning is something like there’s trouble in River City.

The bottom line is: “It’s time for me to hit the road and get out of here or else I’ll regret it.” Usually it isn’t something a person wants to do but because of situational changes it becomes necessary.

The original case in point was leaving the Garden Of Eden! Of all the emotions the duo experienced the feeling of emptiness was one of the worst. The suffering brought on by the feeling of emptiness is real and devastating.

The source of the malady can be many things but in all cases it is the reflection of loss.  It can be the death of a love one, a lost job, a failed marriage, on and on.

Its a time when one discovers the depths of depression and fights for survival.

Like in the case of Adam and Eve some things are lost and not recoverable and we have to start all over again, like those who have lost everything due to storm, fire or flood.

Our recovery depends upon our attitude to a great extent.

The scripture Challenges us found in Colossians 3:17 :  Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

This is a good place to start as we begin our recovery do it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Frank Sinatra once sang a song that gives some good advice to those who have hit on hard times.

"Pick Yourself Up"

Pick yourself up...

Take a deep breath...

Dust yourself off

And start all over again.

Nothing's impossible, I have found

For when my chin is on the ground.

I pick myself up,

Dust myself off

And start all over again.

Don't lose your confidence

If you slip

Be grateful for a pleasant trip

And pick yourself up,

Dust yourself off

And start all over again.

 Work like a soul inspired

Until the battle of the day is won.

You may be sick and tired,

But you'll be a man, my son.

Will you remember the famous men

Who had to fall to rise again

They picked themselves up

Dust themselves off

And start'd all over again.

 Work like a soul inspired

Till the battle of the day is won.

You may be sick and tired,

But you'll be a man, my son. 

Will you remember the famous men

Who had to fall to rise again?

So take a deep breath...

Pick yourself up...

Dust yourself off

And start all over again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EFPJL1uQbs&list=RD3EFPJL1uQbs#t=8

 

DEM CHICKENS DONE COME HOME TO ROOST

This could be a true short story and will be shared at "Tell Me a Story Blog Hop."  My next continued story will begin soon.

 

I looked out the window and saw little Charlie a doing something he oughtn’t so I tell’s him to come in a here.

 

When he’s in I tells him, “I see’d what you am a doing and some ones else am see’d you to. Now let me tell you child dis stuff you am a dong ain’t going unnoticed and the piper is going to demand his payment.

Amd dat’s duh day “Them chickens is a coming home to roost.”

“Wat you mean chickens coming home? Dem chickens ain’t gone nowhere except’in in the pot on Sunday.”

“Oh yes little Charlie des different kind of chickens.”

“What kind dem chickens is grandma?”

“Oh my little Charlie, des chickens is the kind called paybac.”

“Wat you mean “paybac?”

“You see the big black book on the shelf, it tells yo all about paybac.”

“How I’m gonna know about dis paybac, I can’t read.”

“Some day yo can an then you better read cause then yo got respoibility. It tells you how yo got to live in order to keep dem chickens away.”

“What do it say grandma?”

“It says everything dat am important.”

“Like what grandma?”

“Lik what you sow is what you get.”

“Do the chickens come home when I get it grandma?”

“Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. it pends on what yo sow.”

“Yo mean if I sow the wrong stuff the chickens show up?”

“Yes dat’s about it.”

“How I’m gonna know what to sow grandma?”

“Yo got to read the big book to learn.”

“Grandma yo better read duh book to me until I learn how myself.”

“I guess yo right Charlie, if I don’t learn yo about the right seed den how yo gonna know.

Yo got to learn the ten rules of sowing first Charlie caus’un if yo know dem and do them yo can’t go wrong but if yo mis one of dem yo is in trouble. Then yo gonna have a troubling mind.”

“What’s a troubling mind grandma?”

“Oh my laddie uh troubling minds don’t never let yo rest.”

“Not ever grandma?”

“No not til yo make it right.”

“How I’m gonna do dat grandma?”

“Well it depends on the chicken.”

“What yo mean on the chicken?”

“Look out in the yard, how many kinds of chicken we got.”

“A whole bunch grandma, red ones white ones. speckled ones big one, small ones, all kinds grandma.”

“It depends on which rule you don’t keep which chicken come home.”

“Are yo sure dem the right rules grandma?”

“Oh yes chile dem are the right ones alright.”

“Grandma jus posin I forgot one of dem rules an messed up (I ain’t yo know, jus posin) then what I gonna do?”

“Lik I said it depends on which one.  Jus suposin yo forgot the biggest one, the first one then yo in big trouble.”

“How I’m gonna fix dat?”

“First chile you gotta know dat even if someone loves you dey can get mad at yo. But if you straighten up and do right that is the first step, that is after yo say I’m sorry for messing up and ain’t gonna do it again.

Chile I ain’t got no more time right now cause I gotta cook. Tomorrow I will tell you some more cause yo gotta know it all to keep them chickens away.”

“Oh lawd grandma I gotta learn dem rules quick caus’in I don’t want dem chickens coming to roost.

This post is shared at “Tell Me a True Story.”



 

SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL

A Beautiful Lady

Yes, it is a fact; She was beautiful when she was young.

But today as she has grown old and the flower of youth has wilted.

The glow that attracted the flocks of people no longer exists. Her lovers have all been unfaithful, using her to satisfy their own lusts and then despising her for growing less appealing.

The marks of misuse are evident everywhere and attempts to cover them by artificial means fall short and everyone is aware of her present condition.

Only those who have known her intimately know how far she has fallen and despair at the truth,

“The rose has lost it’s bloom.” They agree reluctantly with the poet’s lament;

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old Time is still a-flying:

And this same flower that smiles to-day

To-morrow will be dying.

Would that this was a view to the future but alas it is a backward glance.

It is true that there those who still clamor for her favor, not for love but what they can yet get from her. A pretense with guile under lying; “I would thy new lover be” stated so beguilingly.

Yes she is on life support and we will laud her demise on this Memorial Day remembering how she has killed her children.

Her name is; America the Beautiful.

This post is shared at Charlotte’s Spiritual Sundays

 

LIVING IN MY SECRET WORLD

(Prior to a new continued story here is a short muse !)

Welcome to my secret world

 

Living in My Secret World

My secret world is a place where no one is allowed.

Its not that I wish to be exclusive, it’s a matter of that is the way it is. This is where my real world is.

What people see is a pick and chose process I allow a few people in.

In order to function in the world around me there has to be a certain amount of control exercised in this secret world. There are beasts that must be kept in chains of restraint for full liberty will destroy every relationship I treasure.

Perhaps the list is only partial but Pope Gregory wrote about the "Seven Deadly Sins" which included pride, gluttony, envy, lust, anger, greed, and laziness.

I’m sure there are others that must be controlled. Each of these sins are unprofitable because if they were allowed to become extreme someone would suffer.

Gluttony starts with our daily need for food as envy is desire run amok.

Ambition can cause me to excel but can walk all over others when not controlled.

This secret world is where I become the person others either love, hate, or are passive about for they do not consider me to be a person of necessity in their life. I have experienced the latter too often to be happy about it.

When I recognize that attitude being expressed toward me I then try to compensate or retaliate and get even.

Within my secret world I can do the things I would like to do but out of fear of rejection and retaliation it remains unexpressed and hidden away. Though hidden away it still gives me some comfort and pleasure.

When in the secret place I can have any relationship I wish. The one I chose is at my beck and call and responsive to my every wish. All this is in my secret world.

I find pleasures unobtainable in what is called my real world and they are without strife and distresses. I find it difficult to talk about this world to others for they don’t understand or they feel vulnerable and fear they might reveal some of their own secrets.

I must go for I just had an idea that has great possibilities, that and I want to let you get back to your SECRET WORLD.   ENJOY

 

WAY OUT Chapter 12

Say the Words - - It is important

 

“Alright you say you know what your trouble is so start talking.”

Sam thought, “Wow this guy doesn’t play games but cuts to the chase.”

“Okay as I see it my blockage now is; I’m not sure what to do. Not that I don’t know the mechanics; but how to establish a loving and long lasting beneficial relationship with Mae escapes me.”

The doctor said, “Well! That wasn’t easy to come out with but now the hard part is over. He said most men suffer from these feelings to one degree or another, does that surprise you?

The thing is they live their life out with feeling of Inadequacy. I’m going to give you the first step to success and then it will be up to you to make it work.  Here is a book that explains the how and the reasons of intimacy.”

Sam opened the book and after perusing a few pages he said, “This looks like a porn magazine.”

The doctor said; “Don’t be foolish! Once you have mastered the concepts shown here performance is assured. This is a complete study of the subject and if there are some things that you find distasteful and do not want to do, so don’t do them.

At a later time you might reconsider some of them but time will tell about that. If you follow the instructions in this book you will not need to see me again for your problem will be solved.

You are lucky, because war destroys personalities, and some never find their way back. You have had a lot of help, much of which I couldn’t have provided you. Be thankful for them and try to repay them in some way.

I understand you have kids?”

“Yes I have two children, a boy, and a girl.”

“How do you feel about them?”

“Well I like them a lot.”

“I can tell you have been holding back because of the same reason you stated before, a feeling of inadequacy as a father.  Release that which you have been holding back from them and love them as your own for they are yours.

The final thing is this how do you feel about Mae?”

“Well I… well I…”

“Come out with it do you love her? If you do then tell her.  Say it, say I love you Mae. You need to hear yourself say it. Think of her, her face and her body which you have seen I presume and say ‘I love you’.  I want you to say these things to yourself; ‘I can say it. I want to say it. I will say it and now I say it.”

Sam repeated the things in his mind and finally he said out loud, “I love you Mae. I love you Mae. I love you Mae!”

“Are you sure asked the doctor?”

“Yes I’m sure.”

“Are you sure enough to say it to her?”

“Yes.”

The doctor walked over to the door and asked Mae to come in and said, “I will leave you two alone for a minute for Sam has something to say to you.”

Mae had overheard what the doctor had been saying to Sam and Sam’s responses so she came close to him and said, “Do you have something to say to me? Well out with it then.”

Sam’s eyes glazed over and he was staring out into space as it were.

Mae moved against him and said in a strong voice, “Say it Sam!”

She put her hands behind his head and pulled his lips hard onto hers and kissed him and said softly, “Say it Sam.”

He blurted out, “I love you, Mae, I love you and I love the kids and always will.”

Mae realized that she had never told Sam that she loved him. It never occurred to her that she should.  As he kissed her she got the words out “I love you Sammie” and then she felt something she had never felt before.

She released herself completely to him whereas before she always held something back. It was a moment when the two of them felt as one.

The doctor came back in and said, “If you two are through I need my office back for I have another patient to see.”

Sam said, “Thank you, we need to go for I have a lot of reading to do and home work if you know what I mean.”

 

* * *  Finis

WAY OUT Chapter 11

Mae needed to talk to Sharon

 

 

With a plan worked out for the kids getting to school Mae said there is something else I need to discuss with you about Sam and I am a little embarrassed to talk to you about it because you are his sister.

 

Sharon said, “I can understand that but I am probably the best person to confide in at this point.”

 

Mae said, “Sam has come a long way since we got married. He is coming out of is numbed out state and is beginning to respond the way a wife would want him to. He still has a little ways to go and I think he will need some help from someone besides me.”

 

Sharon said, “I know the feeling for Sam and I were as close as sibs could be. I am three years older than he and when we were little I watched over him but as we grew up he began to be my protector. This was especially when it came to boys. He threatened every boy I dated which kept many of them at bay.

 

When I finally met Zach the man I married it was some time before Sam accepted him.

We were married and Sam finally said, “I think you made a good choice he is a good man.”

 

“Sam wasn’t there when I lost Zach to the war for he was also off fighting. When he came home from the war, he wasn’t the boy I grew up with but someone I hardly knew.

 

I am thrilled he is on his way back to be the brother I knew. I have done all I can do and I understand your position. Sam is like someone who is trying to get out of a maze and there is still one more turn to make. He has to overcome the fear of making that last turn for if it is wrong he will be back where he started. This fear is amplified because he doesn’t want to lose you and the kids.

 

I will give you a number to call where Sam can get the help he needs. This man is an army psychiatrist that has dealt with this same type of mental blocks many times. It will be better for you to call than me for you are his wife.”

 

Mae said, “I will call as soon as we hang up.”

 

A week later there was an opening and they called Sam to come in.  The receptionist said, “It usually takes at least two months to get an appointment so you are lucky to get to see the best doctor on staff.”

 

Tell me What's Bothering You !

The doctor came in and after greeting Sam he said, “I have read your file and you have come a long way back but I want to know where you want to get to.”

 

Sam said, “I’m not sure.”

 

“Maybe that is your problem,” the doctor said.  You’ve been married only a short time and why did you get married if the first place?”

 

Sam said, “I’m not sure.”

 

Well you’re not sure about a lot of things so let’s see if we can find something you are sure of. Not withstanding you are not in your comfort zone completely let me ask, do you like being married.?”

 

Sam answered, “Yes.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes I’m sure about that.”

 

“Do you like your kids?”

 

“I sure do,” Sam said.

 

“You have enough money?”

 

“Yes I have plenty.”

 

“Well do you know what your problem is?”

 

Surprisingly Sam said, “Yes, maybe not everything but the main thing.”

 

“Well come on, out with it so we can deal with it.”

 

To be continued